I saw his package. It spoke to me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize