There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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