there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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