Apparently you make a good broom.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
