Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
