she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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