My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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