guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize