I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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