i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
