He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
