Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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