worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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