direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
