Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
