You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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