barbara walters just said penis...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
