Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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