so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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