i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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