soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
