im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
