Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
