A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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