Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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