We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
