everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
