I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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