I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
