shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
