so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
