I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
