I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
