**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
