Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
