so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
