i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
