I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
