Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
