I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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