Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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