oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
