You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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