I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
