I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
