so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
