If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
