I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
