I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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