drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
