I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
