guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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