I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
