I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
