Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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