Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
