Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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