i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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