scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
