I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
