I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i came on her dog
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
