Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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