It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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